Sesame Street Stays Up Late
(After a Christmassy version of the G-man title on a snowy backdrop with jingle bells being heard in the background, we cut to the G-man at his desk in his room wearing a Santa hat) G-man: Hello, everyone! I am the G-man, and that’s all you need to know about that. Well, it’s Christmastime again, and 2019 is coming to a close. And for one last treat for year three of the G-man Wiki, we’re finally reviewing some Sesame Street! This is Sesame Street Stays Up Late! (The main theme starts as clips from the film begin to play) G-man (V.O): This is a 1993 Sesame Street New Year's Eve television special with guest appearances of characters from the international versions of Sesame Street in Japan, Mexico, and many others. It was later retitled as Sesame Street Celebrates Around the World for a DVD release, but the plot is essentially the same. And yeah, I know its not a Christmas movie. But since it ties in to the new year, we’re reviewing it nonetheless! (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Alright, let’s put a bow on 2019 with- (He gets interrupted by a knock on his bedroom door) Uh… Come in? (The door opens to reveal the Nostalgia Critic) NC: G-MAAAAAAAAN! G-man (Under his breath): Oh, Christ… NC: I finally found you, you asshole! I’m still rip-roaring pissed at you for ripping me off! G-man (Aloud): Look, can it wait? I’ve got a Sesame Street film to review! NC: Sesame Street…? You… You… G-man: Uh… NC: You son of a bitch! You know it was part of my childhood! (He pulls out his gun) If you dare rip it apart, I’ll-! G-man: Hold it! It’s a positive review! I give those from time to time! NC: Seriously? G-man: You bet your ass! If you don’t believe it, come review it with me! NC (Groaning): Fine… (Cut to the opening scene) G-man (V.O): We open on Sesame Street where everyone is getting ready for a New Year’s Eve party. Big Bird (To audience): A lot of the grownups on Sesame Street are going to a party. But Gina and Savion are helping all the kids have a New Year’s party of our own! And you’re invited! G-man (V.O): But then we get a song. Thankfully, there aren’t that many, but I still feel it would be appropriate to play some Ke$ha. Ke$ha (V.O singing): Don’t stop, make it pop. DJ, blow my speakers up. Tonight, Imma fight ‘til we see the sunlight. Tik Tok, on the clock. But the party don’t stop, no. Whoa-oh oh oh. Whoa-oh oh oh. (Cut back to the film with the original audio) Baby Bear: Happy New Year! Gina: Not yet, Baby Bear! Savion: At midnight; when the old year is over, and the new year is here. Telly: Over? The year will be over?! I-I didn’t know that! (Cut back to the duo) NC: How did Telly not know that? His character has been used for years, so how did he just realize this? G-man: I’m calling shenanigans. (Cut to a clip from Super Troopers) Man: I swear to god, I’ll pistol whip the next guy that says "Shenanigans"! (Cut back to the film) Telly (Singing): I’m not sure about this new year. It sounds so new and strange. I kind of like the old year. Why do we have to change? (Cut) Where does the old year go? Does it just… (He gasps) Disappear?! G-man (V.O): Actually, Telly raises some valid points. What does happen to the old year? NC (V.O): Trust me, you don’t want to know. I’ve learned the hard way. We then see Elmo and Cookie Monster at some news studio called Monster News Network talking about the many ways people celebrate New Year’s Eve around the world. Elmo: And now, Monster News Network… (Cut) Takes you to our very first special reporter in Mexico; Elmo’s cousin, Pepe. Yay, Pepe! (The screen behind Elmo shows Pepe) Pepe: Hola, cousin Elmo! (Cut back to the duo) G-man: Oh, come on! They just reused the same puppet, except they put a moustache and sombrero on it! NC: Also, are they implying that every Mexican Muppet talks in that stereotypical accent? (Cut to a clip from Wonder Showzen) Boy: That’s racist! (Cut back to the film) NC (V.O): After learn about the piñata tradition, we head back to Sesame Street. Telly (Talking): I’m still not sure about all this… Zoe: How are we gonna know when it’s midnight on Semase Street, so we can all shout-? Baby Bear: Happy New Year! Everyone else (Simultaneously): Not yet! Girl (Solo): Last year, my parents went to Times Square, and told me all about this big ball made out of lights that fell from a tall building exactly at midnight! (Cut to a bit later in the film) Big Bird: Hey, we can have our own ball fall down at midnight! ‘Cause I’ve got a great idea! (Cut back to the duo) G-man: Y’know, I would make a puberty joke, but seeing as it would be immature, I’m deciding against it. (Cut back to the film) NC (V.O): We see Oscar about to make a phone call, and when Telly sees him, he figures he might not have to worry. But seeing as how Oscar’s always an asshole, he makes him feel worse. Oscar: Of course, you have to worry! Think about it, Telly; when this year is through, everything you know and love, all those things that are part of a year, the months, the days of the week, the hours, the minutes, the very seconds. Everything that makes up a year will be over. Telly (Worriedly): Over…? Oscar: Why do you think they throw out old calendars at the end of the year? (Cut) Because they don’t need them any more! (Telly runs away screaming. Cut back to the duo) G-man: Wow, what a dick! NC: Whoa, hey! That’s a bit harsh, don’t you think? G-man: Alright, fine. Let’s a second opinion. (He looks to his right) Marty, what do you think of Oscar? (Cut to a clip from Back to the Future Part 3) Marty McFly: He’s an asshole! (Cut back to the film) NC (V.O): Big Bird’s plan is to drop a beach ball off of a seal’s nose when its midnight… (Cut back to the duo shrugging in confusion briefly before we cut back to the film) And the Count will count down until its time. Meanwhile, Telly needs to come up with a plan to stop the new year from coming to Sesame Street. G-man (V.O): We’re quickly jumping back to Monster News Network where Elmo gives us a report on New Year’s Eve in Portugal. Kita: Each child is given 12 grapes, one for every month of the year. As they eat the grapes, they make a wish on each one. (Cut back to the duo) G-man: Question: What if there’s a child who doesn’t like grapes? Do they give them something else, or does it bring dishonor to their family? (Cut back to the film) NC (V.O): While Big Bird, Gina, and some kids try to wake up Snuffy, Telly appears in a disguise. Acting as a made-up agent from… (He sighs) The Department of Celebrations and Parties in Washington… And guess what? They buy into it! (Cut to a clip from Brock Baker’s Celebrity Hate Mail 7 video) Brock: You’re-You’re a fucking idiot. (Cut back to the film) G-man (V.O): Obviously, the gig is up, and Telly flees. Prairie Dawn: There you have it! Another big shot exposed live on Monster News Network! (Cut back to the duo) NC: Why is Prairie Dawn reporting for Monster News Network when she’s not a monster? G-man: Here, I’ll let the film explain the joke: (Cut to earlier in the film) PD: Actually, I’m not really a monster, but it is a job in communications. (Cut to a sketch with the G-man as a police officer) G-man: This is the Comedy Police! That joke is too funny! (Cut back to the film) Elmo: And now Monster News Network takes you to our special reporter in Japan, who also happens to be Elmo’s cousin; Elmonosuke! (Cut back to the duo) G-man: Does this technically count as a JoJo reference? NC: Oh, come on! Of all the anime jokes you can make, that’s the one you chose?! G-man: Yare Yare Daze… (Cut back to the film) NC (V.O): After the Japan segment, Telly tries and fails to make Wolfgang the Seal give him the ball. And we immediately head back to Monster News Network where we get a report from Israel from Oofnik the Grouch. Oofnik: Here I am at the marketplace where people are buying special food for the New Year. Usually, the best part of going to the market is listening to the people argue! Heh heh! (Cut back to the duo) Duo (Singing simultaneously to the tune of Here Comes the Bride): You are a bitch! You are a bitch! (Cut back to the film) Elmo: Well, luckily, we also have from someone in Israel who actually likes this holiday! Shalom, Kippi! (The screen behind him cuts to Kippi; a somewhat-creepy costume. Cut back to the duo screaming in fright) NC (Talking solo): What in the name of Santa Christ is that?! G-man (talking solo): It’s like if the puppets from Peppermint Park had full bodies! (Cut back to the film) Elmo: And now Monster News Network takes you to a reporter in Germany! G-man (V.O): Y’know, I’m okay with making Hitler jokes, but seeing as how that’s clearly offensive… (There’s a moment of silence before the G-man speaks again) Fuck it. (Cut to a subtitled clip of Hitler from the movie Downfall) Hitler’s Subtitles: Happy New Year! Happy New Year! Happy New Year! (Cut back to the film) NC (V.O): We see Telly and his doll Freddy hiding as lamps… (Cut back to the duo briefly) I guess he didn’t get the bright idea… (The G-man facepalms before we cut back to the film) And then we head back to Monster News Network. Elmo: It’s getting closer and closer to the big moment! And here at Monster News Network, we’re all set to party! (Cut back to the duo. Pinkie Pie appears in-between the two reviewers) Pinkie: PARTY?! NC: What the fuck?! G-man: Nonono, it’s just a fictional one! Pinkie: Oh. Sorry ‘bout that! NC: Just a minute, where did you come from!? Pinkie (After gasping): Oh. My. Gosh! You’re the Nostalgia Critic! G-man: You know who he is? Pinkie: You bet I do! (To the Nostalgia Critic) Hey, do the thing! NC: What thing? What’re you-? (Cut to a clip from Suburban Commando) Charlie Wilcox: I WAS FROZEN TODAY! (Cut back to the trio) NC (Groaning): I thought I got rid of that! Pinkie: Well, it’s back now! Toodles! (She runs off) NC: What the hell just happened? G-man: Yeah, it’s best not to question that sort of thing… (Cut back to the film) NC (V.O): Whatever. Anyway, after we get a news report from Portugal, Gina finds Telly who is still hiding as a lamp. Telly (Whispering): I’m hiding from the New Year! See, that way, maybe everything I’m used to, and I love, won’t come to an end! (Cut to a bit later in the film) Gina: Nothing bad is going to happen at midnight. Telly (Aloud): Yeah, right! Gina: Really! Really, Telly! We’ll sing, we’ll make a lot of noise, we’ll have a party with our friends… Telly: You make it sound like fun! Gina: But it is! Really! Telly: I don’t know… Gina: You know something, Telly? We have a tradition in this country. It’s called New Year’s Resolutions. (Cut back to the duo) G-man: Or as we like to call it… (Along with the Nostalgia Critic) Bullshit! (Cut back to the film) NC (V.O solo): So, Telly realizes that the New Year’s is fun, the party is a hit, and of course, we count down to midnight! Sesame Street Residents (Simultaneously): Five! Four! Three! Two! One! Zero! (Cut) Happy New Year! (Cut back to the duo) G-man: And that was Sesame Street Stays Up Late! Boy, that was-! NC (Interrupting): Hold up! Do you really think I’m just gonna let you off the hook because we reviewed a movie together? G-man: Uh… Yes? NC: Well, you’re wrong! (He pulls out his gun) Time for payback you little-! G-man (Interrupting): Dude, chill! It’s Christmas! NC (As he’s lowering his gun): Christmas…? G-man: Uh… NC: CHRISTMAS! (He runs out of the room and the G-man follows him. Cut to the G-man’s living room where he’s hugging Pivot tightly) Pivot: Get him off, Jesus Christ! G-man: Critic, what the-? NC: CHRISTMAS! (He hugs the G-man) G-man: Ack! Can’t… Breathe…! (Pinkie Pie appears) Pinkie: What’s going on? G-man: Get him off of me! (Pinkie lunges upon the Nostalgia Critic and slaps him across the face) Pinkie: Calm down, you meanie! NC: CHRISTMAS! (He shoves Pinkie off and runs out the front door) God bless us, every one! (He runs off while laughing in a mixture of happiness and craziness) G-man: That was weird… Pinkie and Pivot (Simultaneously): Agreed. G-man: Well, we should probably call the nuthouse after this. (To audience) Well, have Merry Christmas from all of us on the G-man Wiki! I am the G-man… Pinkie: And I’m Pinkie Pie! Pivot: And I’m Pivot! (He holds up…) Tattletail: And me Tattletail! All four (Simultaneously): And that’s all you need to know about that! Peace! Category:Episode